|Original run||2012 – 2013|
|Number of episodes||3|
Warning: The review contains NSFW content.
So, does anyone remember the console wars?
I’m talking about, of course, the rivalry between Nintendo and SEGA back in the ’90’s. Man, those times bring in some memories. I mean, sure, we have our own console wars going on between Nintendo, Sony, and Microsoft now, but remember of the times where the Internet wasn’t that big back then. Where all of your multiplayer experiences come from playing video games at your friend’s house. Where games seem to last longer and age better than those catered around a multiplayer experience. Where we see exciting new consoles from both Nintendo and SEGA: some good, some bad.
Make it last, people, because gaming won’t be like that ever again. With gaming and the Internet firmly established in today’s world, those occasions are rare nowadays, unless you have a friend who still plays his SNES.
So wait, am I here to have a nostalgic boner over the old video game consoles? Well, I can do that on my own time, but that’s not what I’m here for.
Much to my surprise, there is a manga adaptation based on the console wars that began in 2007. But by the end of 2012, when some people were freaking out about the world ending on the winter solstice—and yes, I actually met people on the streets crying about that—, there was also an anime adaptation based on the manga. Only three episodes were produced, the last one being released in April 2013. No more have been released ever since.
Ladies and gentlemen, World War Blue—aka Aoi Sekai no Chuushin de.
So okay then. We have a decent premise targeted to the old school gamer. Probably with some clever jokes thrown in. Well, what should we expect from this?
…Shit. Absolute shit. Oh, dear, this is gonna be a trip.
Episode 1: The Hard Wars of Consume
We start off with a blue-haired boy dispatching a few enemy soldiers. Based on how fast he moves, one can only guess this kid is based on SEGA’s beloved mascot Sonic the Hedgehog.
And he made an armored guy implode by kicking him…
At the end of the scene, he shrieks like Goku passing a kidney stone.
In the next scene, we see Gear (Sonic) and a pointy-eared, purple-haired girl named Nel (Nei from Phantasy Star) speaking to a blonde-haired child as he breathes his last words. That is Tails, by the way.
Barely a minute in and Tails is ALREADY dying.
It isn’t long until the child dies. Nel bursts into tears as she breaks the tension with an… interesting shot.
You know, when I said I could have a nostalgic boner on my own time, this isn’t exactly what I had in mind.
Gear makes an obtuse vow—or rather, a stupid double entendre about not turning back and moving forward because he’s SAWNIKUU. Well, thanks for telling us about nothing. If you didn’t know this anime would be on the console wars, you wouldn’t know what the hell that whole scene was about.
So we get our generic anime opening, with…
…Something tells me the creator of the manga series is a SEGA fanboy.
We cut to a shot of a world map that looks like it was ripped straight from a Fire Emblem game, where a bit of exposition tells us about the war-torn continent of Consume. The two empires, Segua and Ninteldo, have been at each other’s throats. But then, Emperor Marcus (Mario) takes over Ninteldo and manages to conquer 90% of the continent.
90%. Wow. Something tells me some bullshit in the anime is going to cause that percentage to drop.
So at Outori (Atari?) of the Segua Kingdom, we see the Gear and Nel.
Ready for our terribly contrived journey, sis?
Seconds later, we cut to some Segua army officers discussing of a new recruit named Gear. A few MORE seconds later, the officers are speaking to the children. God, the pacing sucks.
Gear pleads to the pink-haired lady named Vice-General Ramses to join the Segua army as she notes the triangle markings on the boy’s forehead.
Ramses tells Gear that he must prove himself by fighting EVERYONE IN THE ROOM. Wait, what?
Oh, and she also says they are 50 of the best men in the army too. And she wants this kid to beat them all up.
No offense, lady, but that is the dumbest recruitment strategy ever. NO WONDER YOU’RE LOSING THIS WAR.
So Gear says he is up to the challenge.
And he took them all down with a single dash.
*coughs* Marty Stu. *coughs*
So once again, he screams like Goku passing a kidney stone.
He’s been at this for 5 minutes now!
Vice-General Ramses: He wiped them all out? In just a few minutes? He’s far beyond what I imagined!
…Lady, let me correct you there.
“In just a few
A large bald man resembling Sagat from Street Fighter steps up to challenge Gear. Ramses claims he is the very strongest man in the Segua army. How much you wanna bet that’s about to change?
The large man attempts to crush Gear with a giant metal pipe, and then…
And this prompts a sporadic scene where Ramses imagines herself with her clothes ripped off at the sight of his power.
You thought I was kidding, didn’t you?
So Gear takes Sagat down with a single tackle.
Heh. You know, the way I summarize this, it’s almost like the story is written by a terrible fan fiction author. Well, in a manner of speaking, THIS IS FAN FICTION.
Think about it. The manga author is using copyrighted characters from video game franchises, but changes their names and their appearances. We have the author’s pet main protagonist as well. He’s an adolescent boy with a skinny body but somehow muscular frame. He can move really fast and jump really high without hurting himself and he can take down much larger opponents than him with a single attack. He makes women’s panties wet in a few seconds into battle. And he pretty much shows the stereotypical shounen protagonist traits (and even poses). This kid is an anime fanboy’s wet dream.
Hear that? I just blew your fucking mind.
So Ramses declares that with Gear in her army, Segua has a chance to turn the tide of the “Hard Wars”—and yes, they are seriously calling it that—and win back the territory lost to the Ninteldo empire.
And speaking of which, we see a battle going on at “Ninteldo Territory” as an androgynous blonde man is wiping out a whole army—including metal warships—with bombs and a sword that shoots beams.
Folks, meet Link.
And also, he referred to the opposing soldiers as “games.” That is just stupid.
Oh, and Mario is here too… with his dinosaur-horse thing. Yoshi?
Emperor Marcus and Zelig stand over the aftermath of the battle as Zelig gloats.
Zelig: People kept going on about how great their specs were before they actually showed up, but they were crap.
If you didn’t know that this was an adaptation of a real-life series of events between two video game companies, you would be scratching your head going, “What the fuck is he talking about?”
Marcus and Zelig anticipate Segua’s counterattack, but Marcus declares “Manifest Destiny” for Ninteldo. And they sneer on.
We return to Vice-General Ramses lecturing Gear about a plan to take Hope Fortress in a country called Tetrand, where they will rescue General Alex (a wink to Alex Kidd). Oh, and she also puts Gear in charge of the special forces and claims it’s the most important task in the upcoming operation.
…Wow. There’s your plot, people. Who wrote this shit and thought it deserved an animation budget?
Gear feels this was all moving too fast—gee, YOU THINK?—but the other soldiers suck up to him by praising his power. Again, fanboy power fantasy.
For no reason, Gear has a flashback of himself, his deceased friend Til, and Nel sitting around a campfire. Uggggh. Now we have to throw in teenage angst into this series? Just what we need…
And then an unseen character shoots an arrow at the ground. Why? No reason.
Oh my god! It came from a girl butt!
Nah. The butt of the perpetrator is revealed to belong to Opal (Opa-Opa from Fantasy Zone), an archer woman in a typical MMORPG skimpy outfit who strangely resembles Cordelia from Fire Emblem: Awakening. But with bigger tits.
Opal: Just saying hello.
By the way, I can see your crack.
General Ramses introduces Opal, claiming she is the “second strongest” in the Segua army after General Alex.
Honestly, what kind of asshole ranks people in the army by strength? I’d be insulted if I was ranked below a raging, whiny, emo twat.
And she goes into her hentai expression for no reason.
The following night, Gear and Nel rest up in a guest room. Gear finds a letter conveniently placed on his bed, and then just sort of ignores it.
Later that night, Gear meets Opal out at a beach. And for NO FUCKING REASON, she doesn’t like Gear and challenges him to a fight. No seriously, look.
Gear: What do you want? Calling me out at this hour.
Opal: I’m amazed you didn’t run away. I’ll be up front with you: I don’t like you!
Opal: I don’t want to fight in the special forces with you. Fight me! If you win, I’ll do whatever you want. But if I win… you leave the castle!
She weakly accuses that Gear showing off his strength is just a ploy to get people to follow him. No, Opal. It’s because a dumb vice-general lady gets turned on and just HANDS command over to him. Oh, and also, Opal hates men because a little plot thread rears its ugly head about a shady man who may or may not have violated her.
So with the condition of whoever lands the first hit wins the battle, they prepare themselves. Opal is completely overconfident that she’ll win and brags constantly, calling him an arrogant rat. I’m sorry but WHO’S ARROGANT AGAIN?
As soon as the battle starts, Gear just tackles her head-on. Somehow, she didn’t predict this. Wow, lady, you’re all fucking talk.
Oh, and more fanservice. Of course.
Meanwhile, Gear is carrying over an unconscious Opal back home. She wakes up and demands he put her down, but Gear claims he shouldn’t just leave her at the beach and this somehow calms her down.
And random panty shot.
Gear: Maybe everybody thinks I’m full of myself because I beat them, but that’s not true. I just wanted everyone to accept me, and to help Segua as fast as I could.
You hear that, haters? The author of this story isn’t full of himself. He’s just a poor, lonely outcast who wants acceptance! And that’s why he’s super-duper awesome, never wrong, and can beat your ass in a millisecond! Just leave him alone and give him all the praise and material goods you have in your possession!
So Gear makes his “moving forward” speech again, which makes Opal blush in embarrassment. In many bad anime series, this is a sign of a developing attraction to a character.
The following morning, Opal contemplates about her promise to “do whatever he wants if he wins.”
And she fantasizes about him while she makes some awkward waifu poses. I’m going to let you fill in the rest of the blanks here.
But Gear just wants her to join forces with him, which seems to leave her disappointed. Well, okay. That subplot went nowhere in a matter of minutes.
The next scene shows Gear, Nel, and Opal talking to Vice-General Ramses, who explains that a mercenary named Tejirov (Tetris) will assist them in their mission. They sit there for a very long time until said mercenary arrives with an oh-so-creepy entrance.
Too much information, man!
…Get it? Tetris? Putting blocks in holes? He has a Russian name? Ha ha ha?
And he just walks up to Vice-General Ramses and grabs her boob.
Well, I have a little idea of what response of an old-school gamer would be if he didn’t watch a lot of anime: WHAT KIND OF PIGSHIT AM I WATCHING?!
But instead of backhanding the little twat or looking for a way to file a sexual harassment suit like she should, General Ramses just asks him to sit down. Tejirov continues to make more penis and breast jokes. Ha ha ha. The operation to rescue the General will occur in four days, and until then Tejirov promises to train the group hard.
In the next scene, everyone is at the beach ready to train. Tejirov challenges Gear and gloats.
Tejirov: You think I’m weak, don’t you? That’s fine. First come at me as hard as you can. And I’ll cave this into your memory: “The first person I met who was stronger than me was a pervert with a thing for dirty jokes.”
What the hell is with everyone and jumping into conclusions? It’s like they were all, “Hey! You there! You think I’m weak? Well then, wanna go? You want some, boy? Want some? Want some? Come on, bring it, asshole!”
But Gear takes the challenge anyway and charges at him. Tejirov blocks it with a force field and beats him. Well, SOMEONE had to put this Marty Stu in his place.
Tejirov: You weren’t running with your best technique. Maybe it feels good to run as fast as you can like that, but that only works on the first stage.
Aw, Tetris? Didn’t you hear? GOTTA GO FAST! GOTTA GO FAST! GOTTA GO FASTER FASTER FASTER FASTER FASTER~
But Gear has one of his sporadic moments and reminisces of Til.
Well, here’s my response to you: CRAAAAAWWWLLLLLIIIIINNNNNGGGGG IIIINNN MMMYYYYYY SKIIIIINNNNN! THESE WOOOOUUUUNNNNDDDDSSS THEY WILLLLLLLL NOT HEEEEAAAALLLLL!
Gear wakes up in bed while Nel and Tejirov watch him. Creepy. Tejirov explains our little life lesson of the episode, as if it was presented well at all, and Gear replies with his “I’LL GO FORWARD” bullshit again.
Tejirov SOMEHOW figures out that Gear lost someone dear to him. I guess he has psychic powuhz. Durrrr. And his following deduction is bullshit too. And Tejirov replies with yet ANOTHER penis innuendo.
Dude, it wasn’t funny the first few times. Stop it.
So Gear apologizes for misjudging the mercenary, and Tejirov just conveniently hands over a map of Hope Fortress’s infrastructure and fucks off.
…Well, let’s not explain how the hell he got that map. Moving on!
Episode 2: Killer
The episode starts off with Gear reminiscing of his father, claiming he doesn’t remember much about him. Hell, the flashback doesn’t even show his dad’s face! How stupid can you be to remember this particular moment but not even his face?!
Good start, writers. You’re trying. You’re really trying. *nods and grins like a jackass*
Oh, and get ready, because this intro has a point apparently.
We see Gear and Tejirov duking it out…
…In the backdrop of Mayan temples? WTF why?
Once again, Tejirov beats his ass but praises him for getting better. Tejirov calls him a Killer.
Gear: What’s a Killer?
What are you, two? Oh, sorry. Saying that would offend two-year olds everywhere.
Instead of answering him directly, Tejirov gives exposition of the Atarika Empire (Atari) that ruled the continent long ago. Apparently, the empire hired thieves and thugs which caused it to fall apart (a wink to the Video Game Crash of 1983).
So Tejirov explains that a Killer is an elite soldier who is just good at what they do, using the analogy of “quality over quantity,” which is bullshit, considering the Nintendo Entertainment System had its big hits but also a huge selection of terrible games… like with EVERY OTHER GAME SYSTEM.
And he also says that this makes Gear a Killer because he may have had an ancestor who was a Killer as well. GEE, I WONDER WHO IT COULD BE.
Gear: Come to think of it, I heard my mom and dad were pretty strong.
Dude, you’re not Harry Potter! You actually MET and SPOKE with your dad as a little kid! How could you have HEARD they’re strong, not SAW?
So Tejirov pisses off again with a smug grin, leaving Gear to attempt to put his stupid little head together and narrates about what he meant by Killer.
Gear: Tejirov didn’t tell me at that time… what the real meaning of the name “Killer” was… or how cruel it was.
He didn’t need to. Why don’t you just PAY ATTENTION for once?!
Meanwhile, Tejirov approaches Opal while she’s practicing her archery, calling her “Big Tits.” Opal seems to have ignored that remark and tries to convince him that she doesn’t need training from him, but Tejirov claims that she can’t fight worth jack and comes onto her with another innuendo.
Tejirov: But I can put something better than an arrow into your open hole.
Opal: Better than an arrow?
Tejirov: Ranged tactics. Shooting.
Dur, I don’t get it…
Tejirov: You’ve never heard of it?
“Hurrrrr! Durrrr! What does ‘shooting’ mean?”
I’m just going to assume that the entire Segua army is full of idiots, so much to the point that the pervy sage knows more than any of them combined.
Well, IT’S TRUE. APPARENTLY.
So we get another expositional onslaught that “Shooting” is a special power that Opal has. Why doesn’t she know about that? Because she’s a total bimbo who pretends to be a strong, independent woman who hates arrogant men… who fantasizes of being fucked by dominant men.
Well, let’s face it. She’s not there to represent the strong, independent woman. She’s just there for the fan service and plot convenience.
So what is “Shooting?” Fighting long-range with a skill in bow and arrows.
…30% of my brain cells just died from that line.
Tejirov takes her hand and holds onto three fingers, which causes them to glow. After a little time passes, Opal looks like she’s a virgin about to orgasm.
I don’t even need to make the joke. It already made itself.
And her fingers explode, shooting a laser that destroys a nearby tree. So now our archer has the power to shoot Space Invader lasers. Well, that makes her archery completely pointless, doesn’t it?
In the next scene, Nel meets up with Nejirov. I can’t imagine why. Apparently, she heard him from far away with her pointy ears, which surprises Nejirov.
Nejirov: Did she find me just from my voice? I’d heard that when Maxley village was attacked, she survived, even though she was only a child, but… Does the power of a Killer sleep within her, too?
Um, where did you hear this and why did you know specifically that she is one of its survivors?
So Nejirov decides to train her too. In the next scene, she’s already badass. I guess.
Yeah. She can dodge easily and she fights with a set of claws. How much you wanna bet she never uses those fucking things?
Nel has no idea how to react to being a Killer, but then suddenly she can see and hear in a different place.
Nejirov: It seems you have the power to attune your senses to the surrounding area: Online.
…So the Internet exists in this era? What the flying fuck are you talking about?
Nejirov thinks she can be helpful in combat, even though she doesn’t know shit about fighting. And she AGREES too.
So, here’s a summary: three kids have only four days to train abilities they barely knew about to take a fort in enemy territory. Because they’re so super-duper-special-awesome, they have special abilities that no one else, save for a select few, has.
Suck my dick.
Nejirov and Vice-General Ramses talk things over, which Ramses notes the tattoo on Gear’s forehead. Apparently, it’s the sign of a Killer. And she reveals that General Alex is his father.
…No, that’s not true! That’s IMPOSSIBLE!
Yeah, that was the point of the flashback from the beginning of the episode. Gear just so happens to be the son of the MOST POWERFUL SOLDIER IN THE SEGUA ARMY.
Nejirov questions Ramses if she is willing to go through with her “cruel” plan, but they both think it’s for the best anyway. So why did he ask her in the first place?
And through the power of “establishing shot”…
Oh, come on! WHY?
Well, I guess there needs to be at least one male fanservice scene to attempt to counterbalance the female fanservice. Not that it really works, mind you, as Opal accounts for the most fanservice in the entire series.
Tejirov and Gear talk over the Killers some more, with Nejirov claiming there might be hundreds out there. Where the fuck were THEY then this whole time?
Guess what? MORE EXPOSITION!
So, here are the best known Killers:
1. Emperor Marcus (Mario)
2. Zelig (Link)
3. Crystal (Uh, Final Fantasy? I don’t know.)
4. Kichou & Tofig (samurai from… I don’t know.)
5. Myomuto (“the only hero” from… AGAIN, I DON’T KNOW.)
So Gear has to defeat them to get better, which he has no problem with doing. Then they change the subject to Gear’s father, which Gear knows he’s a powerful warrior. Again, why doesn’t he remember everything else about him then?
So we finally cut to Fort Hope while Tejirov explains the plan to the three kids on how to infiltrate. They are being backed by the Segua army, or as I like to call them “cannon fodder.”
Oh, but wait! Let’s stop and help a random Seguan!
And who is this person, you ask? I DON’T CARE! His only job is to to tell the group about the strongest warrior in the fort named Bays and to plead for the group to “absorb him.” Ewwww.
And Tejirov makes his most dickheaded remark yet.
Tejirov: Impossible. You know that. You’re not powerful enough. Give up. We’ll avenge you, if nothing else. So rest in peace.
Good god. I thought you were a dick before, but this is taking things to a whole new level. You’re telling a dying man that he sucks and that he should just die anyway because he’s not good enough to be of use anyway. That is just absolutely despicable.
Go fuck yourself. Uh, wait, you already do that. My bad. Carry on.
So true enough, the soldier dies. Opal, who suddenly has knowledge about Killers even though she didn’t know about her own abilities earlier, explains that “absorbing” other people would make Killers even stronger. So why didn’t do they do it?
Well, because Tejirov explains that the tattoo on Gear’s forehead shows two triangles, meaning he can only absorb two people. And every Killer has a limited number of times they can “absorb.” Okay. If every Killer has a tattoo like this, where the hell is everyone else’s?
Oh wait, I know this one. Nel and Opal either have it on their boobs, on their thighs, on their lower backs or on their butts. Same with Vice-General Ramses. Because ooooooooh lady parts~
But their conversation stops when they get an unwanted visitor.
A man who blows bubbles.
Yes, that’s the strongest warrior of Tatoland (based on the company Taito). A bubble-blowing pussy based on the dragon from Bubble Bobble. Or he could be the human form of Spongebob Squarepants. Maybe both.
Gear is ready to kick his bubble-blowing ass but just stops in his tracks due to cold feet. For some reason, Tejirov praises him again because NOT jumping in is a smart thing to do and Gear can just suddenly detect the danger ahead of him, even though this is the very first big battle he has against the enemy.
…For once, that’s actually somewhat logical. But Tejirov’s explanation is bullshit yet again.
Tejirov decides to fight Bays instead in a one-on-one fight, and traps him inside a barrier. Bays didn’t make a single counterattack. He just stood there like a fucking idiot.
Damn it! Why won’t my bubbles work?
Tejirov orders the three kids to run as Bays lightly taps the barrier with his giant bubble wand in an attempt to break out, but Tejirov leaves with the remark “play with yourself for a while.”
Wow, I never thought I would utter that whole paragraph.
Well, that’s anti-climactic. Hell, you can pretty much sum up all the fights at this point with that one sentence. These fights don’t go past 10 seconds, which is unheard of in shounen. How boring can you get?
In Fort Hope, Gear kicks the asses of every soldier he encounters inside. Tejirov explains that his barrier will only last for twenty minutes before Bays escapes. Well gee, that’s perfectly convenient to sweep the entire fort.
But deeper inside the fort, Nel detects a strong presence which Tejirov notes to be a powerful Killer known as D. Fisher. Gear suggests that maybe another barrier would stop him, but we get a bullshit excuse on why this won’t happen.
Tejirov: No, that won’t be possible anymore. It’s not something I can use that often. It’s a bit risky, but we’ll have to use another decoy.
Yeah, guess what. He never does for the rest of the series.
Gear volunteers to be the decoy, but Tejirov has other plans for him. No, instead, Opal is the decoy. And to add insult with ANOTHER insult, he notes D. Fisher is stronger than her.
So not only we have unnecessary fanservice in this show, the female characters are just in the supporting roles. Yes, even the archer girl who shoots lasers from her wrist. That is fucked up.
Opal agrees to the plan. For a lady who claimed she hated arrogant men, she is pretty submissive to this dickheaded sage.
Meanwhile during our LAST TWO MINUTES OF THE EPISODE, we see D. Fisher remarking that he wants to smash somebody. Good to know you’re just here to be the boss battle, man.
So Opal runs in and performs the decoy plan, but decides that she should disobey her orders and kill D. Fisher anyway.
Tejirov and the two children approach General Alex’s prison chamber.
Gear: General Alex. The man who’s said to be the strongest in Segua. I wonder what he’s like.
What, YOU don’t even know? You have specific memories of him, and yet you don’t remember what he’s like or even what his face looks like? You are a piece of work, kid. You bunghole.
Oh, and we find out General Alex is dead. Spear impaling him through his gut. Uh, wow. I actually didn’t see that one coming.
Episode 3: Lost Star & KID
*sighs* This is a longass article.
Gear has a flashback of his father sending him away, telling him that “there are things you have to do, whether you like it or not. Someday you’ll understand. See you.”
Well, no wonder Gear doesn’t remember. He doesn’t want to remember this asshole who left him alone in the mountains without a parent and tells him that he will cause other people trouble if he stays. What a truly caring father!
Little Gear makes a promise that he’ll join his father in the army when he grows up, but General Alex claims he’ll end the war himself. Tch. Ain’t that the truth.
And this is what he looks like. YAWN.
Meanwhile, D. Fisher figures out that Opal is a decoy. How? He has psychic powuhz too!
Opal attempts to kill D. Fisher with a headshot, but the arrow just bounces off him without a scratch. Opal tries to fool him that she’s surrendering and then opens fire at him with her Space Invader laser.
And it didn’t hurt him. Well, you’re fucked.
Opal tries to convince herself that she can still win the fight, so like an idiot she keeps attacking him. But apparently, D. Fisher has been using a force field all this time and that he can block single shots. How do we know that? He tells her. WHY DID YOU TELL HER YOUR WEAKNESS, YOU DUMB FUCK?
So he pounds her in the stomach with a giant mallet. Ow.
I just peed myself a little…
D. Fisher pleads her to admit defeat, but Opal still thinks she can pull a victory out of her ass. She throws several grenades in the area and uses the smoke to hide from him. Because D. Fisher is an idiot, Opal thinks shooting multiple lasers will put him down. How she plans to do it? She is still going to charge her shots but she thinks holding the energy in even longer will make her shoot several powerful shots in succession.
As she charges, the energy causes her intense pain in her fingers. Again, with innuendos thrown in. Ha ha ha. A flashing text randomly pops up on the screen as she unleashes her attack, calling it the “7-way Shot.”
To Ass Pull and Beyond!
It works. She is relieved.
Well, maybe you should’ve went before you decided to take over a fort!
Nah, she didn’t actually do what you think she did… you fetishist pervert. But would you honestly be surprised if she did anyway? I wouldn’t.
We go back to the children as Gear is repeating to himself that his own father is right before him.
But up-bup-bup! General Alex isn’t dead after all! I guess he was sleeping with his eyes open.
Tejirov interrupts the reunion as he tells General Alex that Gear will have to “absorb” him. The plan concocted by Vice-General Ramses the whole time is to either let Alex live if he’s still okay or let his son absorb him if he’s injured.
Well, Gear, time for you to murder your father and steal his godlike powers to become the military’s superweapon!
Gear refuses to comply, but General Alex says to do it anyway. Gear has flashbacks of several minutes ago about the concept of “absorbing,” and back to Til again. Good lord, GET OVER IT ALREADY!
But after some talking to, Gear finally accepts his role. During the absorption process, General Alex leaves behind one bit of exposition: long ago when he and another Killer were injured, they decided that the best course of action was to absorb one another. Through a game of rock-paper-scissors (seriously), Alex won and ended up absorbing the woman, who was implied to be none other than Gear’s mother.
GASP! Why, woman we just met and whose name we didn’t know? WHY?!
Gee, dad, thanks for tearing my heart out again by talking about my mom’s death during your own death!
General Alex in the present breaks down, thinking he’s a terrible father. And he is. But Gear just forgives him as he mourns the death of his father AND gains the power of the strongest soldier in Segua.
You know, I just thought of something. If General Alex is the strongest Killer in the Segua army, then how come Killers like D. Fisher or Bays didn’t absorb him and become one of the most powerful warriors in the entire continent? Apparently, all Killers can do this and whoever has enough lives left to absorb has that opportunity. Is EVERYONE in this series drunk?
Meanwhile, Opal is lying on the ground defenseless as the camera pans around her boobs. She hopes that no one finds her out in the open. Um, oops.
Well, Opal, maybe you should’ve just CRAWLED AWAY earlier! You know, crawling? Oh, what am I saying. This chick doesn’t even know what “shooting” means.
So this new enemy takes advantage of her vulnerability, doing all sorts of things that you wouldn’t do in your workplace.
Well, Opal, looks like you have fulfilled your big victory in the series. Now get ready to star in a hentai, because you’re nothing but a busty chick to be violated by dirty men and to get your curvy ass saved by a little boy.
And that’s exactly what happens. Gear comes in to make his Big Damn Hero moment and swipes her away.
Tejirov observes that the perverted dirtbag is Boys, the little brother of Bays. Not that it matters anyway, because his ass is going to be grass in a few seconds.
Oh, and Boys confesses that he is responsible for defeating and torturing General Alex. And since he has spiky teeth, leaves his tongue hanging out, and caresses defenseless women, he uses the opportunity to gloat about how evil he is.
And gets his ass kicked in a millisecond.
So Tejirov tells us the obvious.
Tejirov: This was the birth of Segua’s new messiah.
That’s right. Gear is the Jesus Christ of Segua. He is better than all of you combined because that’s just how he rolls. So just sit on your useless asses and let him rule you all.
Tejirov: Nel, take care of Opal.
Why don’t you do it, you chauvinistic, perverted asswipe? Why did you even train the girls in the first place if you’re going to reduce them into spectators? Opal disobeyed your orders just so she could be more useful, and she won. So maybe you owe to her to, oh I don’t know, revive her with your convenient magical bullshit powers? Because you know things you shouldn’t and you’re responsible for turning her into rape bait.
And Nel makes the most appropriate facial expression.
I’ll never be useful in this series, will I?
So Gear goes on a rampage and proceeds to eliminate every enemy soldier in the fort. The soldiers, only existing to be his target practice, end up dying.
Tejirov goes outside to confront Bays, who has his escaped his magical prison. Oddly enough, Bays doesn’t seem to care despite saying he won’t fall for the same trick again. Tejirov challenges Bays to a fight, but Bays decides to pussy out and pisses off.
So Bays got beaten by getting trapped in a barrier and he hasn’t delivered a single attack. How embarrassing is that.
And also, Gear takes over Fort Hope and reports to the Segua army of his victory. Yaaaay.
And in a bizarre scene, we see the ghostly apparitions of General Alex and his wife getting reunited and repeating what we just saw moments ago.
Is this really a subplot that needs to be wrapped up? I wasn’t even aware this was a subplot in the first place!
By the way, this is what Gear’s mother looks like.
Bye, Crysta from Ferngully. Strange seeing your image here.
So we wrap things up with a Conan the Barbarian ending speech.
Bays reports back to an unknown figure, who was revealed to be I. Vazer, some old fart surrounded by bikini babes. I don’t care.
And because this episode feels like dragging its ass on the carpet a little longer, we get to see all of the other Killers to be shown presumably later. Well, fuck it. I don’t care who these people are.
Oh, and more ass-dragging. END ALREADY.
Gear and Tejirov talk things out while cherry blossom petals blow in the wind. We don’t need much more weeaboo here, thank you.
…You said it, kid.
Tejirov: Nobody will admire you just because you’re strong. People respect the ones that choose the difficult path, even if they’re weak.
If you were here at the first few minutes of this series, you will find your argument to be invalid. Many soldiers and even the vice-general of the army have been sucking this boy’s cock from the very beginning.
And Gear gets his last random flashback from Til.
Til: Stronger than anyone. Faster. Cooler. I could never be like you. You really amaze me, brother, but I don’t respect you!
…Where the fuck did that come from?
And really, it just ends on that note. This episode doesn’t even get an ending preview of the next episode like the others. THANK GOD.
I don’t know what to make of this anime. Only three episodes, but it’s god awful. It is everything wrong with fan fiction based on video games and everything wrong with shounen anime in one convenient package.
If any old-school gamer comes across this, they would be disgusted on just how it completely misses the point of adapting the console wars. This especially holds true for those who don’t watch a lot of anime, and this is probably one of the worst feet forward they will ever see. If anything, this is one of the worst anime series I ever saw.
I can’t believe I’m saying this, but… if you’re looking for a good laugh, watch it. It has the “it’s-so-bad-that-it’s-good” quality. The decisions made with this anime are so half-assed that it’s actually kinda funny watching them play out.
Between the terrible jokes, Gear’s Marty Stu-ness, Opal’s fanservice, and the rushed pacing of the plot, it’s pretty much a fan fiction in anime form. If you don’t mind losing a few brain cells, it’s still entertainment.
Another funny thing is how this anime has a one-sided argument that Nintendo is the Devil and SEGA is inherently good. Hell, Gear is literally called “the messiah.” Honestly, I wouldn’t be bothered by it if the author lets us decide on who to side with. Have both good eggs and bad eggs on both sides, adding on to character complexity and character development. Sort of like Game of Thrones, except with Nintendo and SEGA. That would be a ton more interesting.
But instead, he has picked it for us already. Go with SEGA. SEGA is good, Nintendo is bad.
Well, this anime series has stopped and HOPEFULLY it stays that way, because fanbases do weird things to people. And God help us if this one anime series has a fanbase.
World War Blue
- NOTHING… except unintentionally being hilarious for how bad it is.
- The obnoxious characters; including a Marty Stu protagonist, a perverted prick of a sage, and a braggart archer whose main purpose is fanservice.
- The clear favoritism of SEGA over Nintendo, portraying SEGA as a force of good and Nintendo as a force of evil.
- The rush pacing and a plot that doesn't even measure up to being half-assed.
- Overall, a poor portrayal of the console wars.